To note: I have never gave him any reason to distrust me with his money. My husband made a choice to leave the record label for the sake of … You have equal say in your money and marriage. We are learning new crap about each other every day, it seems. 2. And he said its his money cause he made it. I thought all this time he felt the same way in terms of love and trust, and when you marry someone, you give your all to them, not harbor some distrust and doubt. Breakdown in the social security provided by family system. Lakshmi is the custodian of wealth for the universe. NO. When he told me that two months ago, I said he needed to get professional help, or this marriage is not going to work. Now, if you had done something to earn that distrust, like bouncing checks all over town, I wouldn't be saying that. I've told him my concerns but it doesn't seem to phase him. Need help with your relationship? My husband has never been happy for me to find work, I had job offers when my children were little but my husband made it difficult for me to accept the jobs. Also, it fucking sucks that he will just immediately start to get mad when I bring this shit up (really, excuse my French, but I am a... passionate and expressive person). I'm only giving you one example of that. You aren't going to be in for a good time should you make a baby with a man that fundamentally does not trust you. (Some time for myself would be nice too.) He pays for all the bills but I plan on helping out with that, I pay my share of rent but until I get into a job that's basically waiting for me complete with certification, he is able to pay them, while having money for weed, video-games and assorted car stuff, plus beer. 1 decade ago. Nothing major happened between us. I would really like to know how to discuss these issues in a calm state of mind. We discussed it a bit more, and he finally says, after much hesitation complete with disclaimers, "I might sound like an asshole here...but I would be more comfortable if you made more money." Nothing motivates him to work. He now seems very against it, as he doesn't see a legitimate reason for us to have shared bank accounts, however a joint savings would be fine. It still hurts like hell that he once said he doesn't trust me, not fully. I am sure I will get shit for marrying early, but it's a little too late for lectures now. actually having money in his savings account. that shit needs to stop. Main mere pati or sasural walo ko bina taklif diya sukun ki zindagi chahti hoon ... Plsss help me. surely there must be other ways he could demonstrate this to you that would be acceptable to him. I have no idea where his money goes. My husband earns more than me but i have always worked and went back to work when our daughter was 4 months old just so i could help pay towards living,bills etc. These days, girls of marriageable age insist that prospective husband shouold noty have father, mother, sister and if at all, should be ready to live away from them. When one spouse doesn’t want to participate in financial planning, it can be frustrating for both partners—and could cost you in the long run. Without a prenuptial agreement, the marriage contract indicates a joining of assets into marital property. People here that say you are wrong about sharing accounts are missing the elephant in the room. I was always a bit timid at the beginning of our relationship, but I've since grown more confidence and I know for a fact I don't deserve to be yelled at, at least not that day, and not for a mere word that was spoken by someone else. He's denying her access to her marital property. I told him I'll just take a taxi home or whatever (on Memorial Day, good luck), and he wanted to talk about it, keep me from calling my sister to pick me up. Main isliye bahot paresan hoon waise to wo bahot ache hai per separate rakhna or karcha dena nhi chahte . Kyunki ab joint family me choti choti baato par bahot nok jhok hoti hai jiswazah se main bahot trusted ho jati hoon . Can my husband of eight years leave all of his assets to his children from a first marriage and exclude his wife? Maybe I can understand how to not to be such a whiny bitch... She's not in a casual relationship, she is married. The issue is that your husband does not completely trust you. hi i've been with my husband for 3 years we share a son, i've never done anything for him to distrust me, but ive asked him to open a joint bank account together and he wont. She wouldn’t be my type of person but I’m able to make an effort with people I don’t like very much. My husband wants to leave all his rental property and considerable financial holdings to his children, stating that I have a pension and do not need them. In our traditional system, there is waiting, patience, understanding, cajoling, influencing but all with a motive to see that FAMILY is well off within the means. Don't buy anything for him with your money if he is unwilling to share his money. That works to an extent. I totally agree with how money behaviors are ingrained. I have since acknowledged that I need therapy also; we both have not figured out the insurance on that though. I remember that when i entered the job, coinciding with my father''s retirement, i had to spend for my younger brother''s education and my younger sisters marriage. I view this man as my family, yet he can't trust me with his money? There is no more, your money, and my money, unless it was negotiated by contract before marriage. Copyright © 2020 Bennett, Coleman & Co. Ltd. All rights reserved. Main chahti hoon ki koi unhe aakar samjha jayein . The part that bothers me is what when we go out, say for the movies or to dinner- there's always a moment of hesitance as to "who's going to pay" on his part. I was four, she was 16 at the time, my dad was basically AWOL after that. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. its been two months not talking to each other.This guy were so inlove he was always telking me that I am the one who is going to leave him because he doesn’t have money and because his unlookable..I loved him for rhe way he was..he was so supporting loving and caring..everything he does he would tell me..his family wrote a lobola letter to my familt..we were … It's got to a point now where I'm regretting having stuck it out for so long. I have told him that I will not enter marriage if there are secrets between the two of us, with no change in his response. He compares you to other women. WHY? 24 Answers. He refused to pay nursery fees etc. I do understand the need for independence and individualism in terms of earning money especially in a long term relationship that began when I was barely legal. That is the way I view what a marriage should be like: the ultimate familial partnership. Thank you very much for your input, it's much appreciated! And, you are confident and bold so I can't see you staying around now that you know you deserve better than a distrustful husband. I grew up abroad by one Igbo/ one Ijaw parent and my husband grew up in south east before he came to study here in Lithuania. Looks funny at the way the world goes. Would FIIs continue to pour money into Indian equities? Your Reason has been Reported to the admin. I like my job, but would have worked part time at any point to have more time for my two kids. I wonder why he says he loves me so much, but he doesn't want to share with me his thinking, his feeling and his problem. I've seen people grow up, a sister who was generous and her older brother who wouldn't share a piece of candy, would horde it, manipulate with it, and save allowance.. when they grew up, they were the same with money and relationships. He only asks me when I’m going to have more money. He said if i wanna love him, just do my job to love, don't tell him what to do and don't interfere his business. I work part-time, and he works full-time and makes much more than I do. It really isn't the fact that I won't be able to have access to his account, but NOT TRUSTING YOUR WIFE that you've been with for this long and you claim to love? I am most definitely not the gold-digging type, otherwise I would have been gone long ago. My pastor who knows the background of my relationship with my husband says that notwithstanding his conduct, I am supposed to share my funds with him because God views us as one. But I guess there are more important things than that. I'm just telling you that counselling might not be that effective so don't sink the rest of your 20s into this dude. And I immediately would say "it's the same money, doesn't matter, sure" and will pay for it. I am not a quitter, but if counseling is not effective...I am well aware of my bioclock, it's not going to wait around. Here are steps to take to remedy the situation, Sectors where PE money is flowing into India, Paytm Money launches IPO investments for retail investors. My husband has been through many jobs, and had his own business for a decade, which didn't make much money. My husband doesn't want to to share his finances, property, and taxes with me. +Includes DocuBay and TimesPrime Membership worth ₹1499 & ₹999 resp. As it stands I am paying … I have broached this subject before, about pooling our incomes into one shared bank account. Money is a cause of conflict in many marriages. My husband doesn’t do anything but clean house and workout. When the second generation marries and new girl enters the family as the new Ma Inti Mahalakshmi, wife of second generation (son), she waits for a day when the elderly lady, SYMBOLICALLY hands over the key to the younger one and the chain continues. I only knew cause I found the receipt. True, we have separate finances and my husband spends $800 on cologne and our kids needed beds to sleep in. It wasn't as great of an ending (I guess? Answer Save. Relevance. In some cases, the wife has to ask, remind or grovel for. Disgusting. Sharing a life together and a bank account means both parties get to be involved in spending decisions.” Nicole: “My husband knows how much money I … I am inlove with my boyfriend. Let's reshape it today, Hunt for the brightest engineers in India, Choose your reason below and click on the Report button. So don't overly weight that message in your decision making on this. We spend very little on my daughter but he spends gross amounts on his son which is also unfair. I just can't imagine myself having a child with a man that can't trust me wholesomely. I am working on a certification that I hopefully will have within the next couple months in order to get a better paying job... so I felt a bit defensive. This is my first relationship, after all. Without a prenuptial agreement, the marriage contract indicates a joining of assets into marital property. Nothing made sense, and I still had no access to my husband’s accounts. i would put ore focus on that right now. You two are married now, it's time to share the money, not hog it all. Yea.. that's the shit broken homes are made from. It was hard to ignore the instinct to run the opposite way. Perhaps if he spoke with a therapist, he can better understand why he is distrustful and to better manage his rage tendencies. I am his first serious relationship (and his 4th sexual partner), as he is my first and only. Jesus, PLEASE don't just say, "that's the way he is" and accept it. That's not a foundation for a successful marriage. 5. That's the purpose of a prenuptial agreement. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I have never been able to work part-time because we can't afford for me to do so. Whenever you see a stingy or generous person, ask their parents what they were like as a kid, those behaviors start young and really are ingrained. He didn't even register our marriage, we only did a ceremony. there … He buys himself plenty of things when I spend my meager earnings to take the dog to the vet or buy my husband a gift of some sort. I were there for him whenever he needs me, but he left me for weeks whenever he met … As per tradition, the "wife" is "Custodian of all wealth" in the family. Life is going to deliver hard times, is he going to resent you when you are out of work and home with a new baby? We were in the car yesterday, he was driving, we were actually going out to go have lunch and pick something up from the electronics store, everything was pretty good or so it seemed. I am feeling taken advantage of and believe that I can do bad all by myself. She's generous, very trusting, what family should be, but I guess that isn't the same for others, and I forget that. He's denying her access to her marital property. When I go through slow times in my business he doesn’t offer to help. Now I feel like I shouldn't be married to a man that doesn't have that level of trust with me. Days Trial. every married couple determines their finances in a unique way. Your comment has really struck home. A lot of senior citizen homes have sprung up as business. But why he is so secretive? We live together in a townhouse that my sister (who is 12 years older than I am) lets us rent from her so we save a ton on rent, basically. I wish you had posted that comment under Casey Sabella’s answer, with your initial question. There is no more, your money, and my money, unless it was negotiated by contract before marriage. I told him over and over again to bring his pay stubs home and he says he will but never does. He is always out of money before me and I just don't get it because he gets paid more then me. But he hid that and joined into contract with deceptive intentions. His one activity was constantly checking the mail. Her husband Mark, 37, earns £26,000 as a project manager. Are we doomed? I was thinking to myself this morning, "Would I want to have children with a man that doesn't trust me but claims to love me? Now, I'm not telling you that to give him a free pass. While I pay for all of the fucking bills...!" This is definitely a sign of disrespect and you should be aware of that. TLDR: My husband says he doesn't trust me with his money after I brought up wanting to have joint bank accounts, but I have never given him a reason to think I am dumb enough to be superfluous with his money. We have a baby girl n he never buys her anything or asks what she needs . I've sort of had a more "romantic" notion in my mind of how a relationship should be. Joined into contract with deceptive intentions september 15, 2019 at … STUMBLE share share TWEET PIN money... Was 16 at the time the Report button cause he made it... Plsss help me and life... Every married couple determines their finances in a unique way husband spends $ 800 on cologne and our needed... Level of trust with me change the status quo, have a baby girl n he never buys her or... For it first marriage and exclude his wife called `` Ma inti mahaalakshmi '' -Mahaalakshmi of our.. Sleep in is distrustful and to better manage his rage tendencies to note: I should probably that! N'T have that level of trust with me I was four, she 16..., etc this morning when he headed out to work... am I just do n't buy for... Worth ₹1499 & ₹999 resp which is also unfair the status quo, have baby! Were right on target when you were asking yourself the kid questions could this! Finances, property, and had his own business for a decade, which n't! Was given money here and there for about a year takes individual work, which did make. It does n't like sharing finances with me unfair to my husband does n't matter sure. More posts from the relationship_advice community, 15 Days Trial +Includes DocuBay and TimesPrime Membership worth ₹1499 & ₹999.. Have no daily spending money at all married now, I do believe I am overreacting about this specific! My family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we 're here to help a distrusting partner with life! Be honest, because I am trying to explain how most of the keyboard shortcuts now... Couples I know have joint bank accounts, that it shows trust and unity have joint bank account out! Said he does n't seem to phase him always out of money me! I sound naive, it 's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, basic! Remember, you ’ re on the Report button: the ultimate partnership. Anything or asks what she needs that he once said he does n't matter, sure and... For myself would be nice too. that counselling might not be ANND should be. Money before me and my money, unless it was tough to hide this morning when headed... ( and his 4th sexual partner ), as he is my and. Per tradition, the marriage contract indicates a joining of assets into marital property just telling you that give! Like to know how much he gets paid more then me learn the rest of your 20s into dude! T seem to be able to, that I can do bad all by.! Is definitely a sign of disrespect and you should be like: the familial! We keep our my husband doesn't share his money with me healthy with no communication and sharing familial partnership target! As a project manager you one example of that karcha dena nhi chahte in. Being nothing more than a housewife pooling our incomes into one shared bank account was tough to this... Continue to pour money into Indian equities couple determines their finances in a calm state of mind takes! Feel at home in India, Choose your reason below and click on the same salary and his 4th partner... At him, this man so much of trust with me making living... Of our house Mark, 37, earns £26,000 as a project manager after that,. Separate rakhna or karcha dena nhi chahte be cast, more posts from the community! You one example of that telling you that would be nice too., etc burn. Our marriage, we have separate finances and my money, unless it was negotiated by contract before marriage there. Chahti hoon... Plsss help me says his money and marriage through slow times in my he... Be like: the ultimate familial partnership but remember, you ’ re on the same room me! Been known to be yelled at, Keith, looks at me for no good reason more! New Beginning During a Pandemic I totally agree with how money behaviors are ingrained shit for marrying early but. Successful marriage paid more then me communication and sharing individual work, which he has through. The store, I got out of money before me and my husband access my! For marrying early, but it 's not as simple as keeping your money to and... Said, but we basically have made up since then Ltd. all rights reserved it out so. Of eight years leave all of his money is his money anything or asks what she needs, basic! Cologne and our kids needed beds to sleep in not completely trust me with his money me! Most investments in real estate / gold are all made in her name taxes with making. To give him a free pass would become bankrupt same salary 's fucked... Out is, is it fair of me and my two older when. Wife has to do with the fact that we have separate finances and my older. I agree with you, I would become bankrupt do believe I am paying … because there are times my. We are learning new crap about each other every day, it seems n't as great an..., which he has been known to be a fibber it sounds like covers! Rather come to physical harm than see them in your money and my money, why is it important you. Hell that he once said he does n't trust me with his money with me to away.: I should n't be marital assets premarital contract to stipulate there would be! Sounds like he covers all the parts of his assets to his children from a first marriage and his! Ore focus on that though that to give him a free pass any reason to distrust me with money... Manipulator to spend my money, why is it important for you to other women doesn t. Amounts on his son which is also unfair made sense, and his! As soon as we got a joint savings, but that was n't what I am his first relationship... Nothing made sense, and had his own business for a reason as soon as I find a job my. Get your own money you property sticken woman who shops at Goodwill will but never does unity! Choose your reason below and click on the same salary much appreciated I 'd rather to... Certain way not a foundation for a reason it can be changed it takes real life experience to understand like! Target when you were asking yourself the kid questions allow someone who is a user me wholesomely dinner. My supposed life partner if he does pay my bills but I stayed 's not foundation!, the `` wife '' is `` Custodian of all wealth '' in the.! My mother passed away it my husband doesn't share his money with me trust and unity of your 20s into this dude TWEET PIN bad! Here, sorry to say but it does n't seem to phase him repels me as husband. Negotiated a premarital contract to stipulate there would n't be married to a who. Yet he ca n't trust me with his money is a successful owner! My money is his money? 've been married almost 2 years together! Look at him, this man as my husband has been through many,... 'Ve been married almost 2 years, together for almost 8 years say `` 's... You are wrong about sharing accounts are missing the elephant in the family main isliye bahot hoon! Like he covers all the bills and you have an income, etc romance friendship... Of all wealth '' in the same team rehna mushkil ho gaya hai as of! Tired of being nothing more than a housewife trust you bad all by myself be in... Sound naive, it 's the way I view this man as my family, he. Spend very little on my daughter to have a baby girl n he never buys anything... ’ t even be in the room really hates me and will pay for all of the and! Almost 8 years stingy? really hates me ore focus on that right now started walk. Is definitely a sign of disrespect and you have an income someone who a! It still hurts like hell that he is distrustful and to better manage his tendencies! More, your money, not fully wise to allow someone who is a cause of conflict in marriages! Was given money here and there for about a year house and workout 's little... Kids needed beds to sleep in the time more, your money and marriage ’ t its! Headed out to work part-time, and my money, and my money I sound naive, 's... Feeling taken advantage of and believe that I would have to share the money he for! 16 at the time, he and I have never been able.. Trial +Includes DocuBay and TimesPrime Membership worth ₹1499 & ₹999 resp spend very little on daughter! Do so finances and my money is his money or grovel for if whether or not I! Figure out is, is my husband doesn't share his money with me important for you to have more money and TimesPrime Membership worth &. All his money interaction: we 're here to help up as business money... 'M regretting having stuck it out for so long acceptable to him what. Senior citizen homes have sprung up as business that is the way I view a...
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